Peace be upon your backside...

Ever since i've come to delhi, all my friends back home have been asking me how many women i've raped. While, dejectedly replying that i haven't indeed managed to rape a single one, It dawned on me that the problem has gone out of hand. There's too many people enjoying free, casual sex in this place. I mean ,414 rapes in one year!!. That has GOT to be a record. Enough is enough. This city needs saving. This city, needs a messiah.

I, Ankit Majumder have decided to *assume the position* , of messiah because:

1] I am a nice,honest,just, good guy at heart and i deserve to get laid, MUCH MORE than some scumbag rapist, who doesnt pay for sex (dating a girl / paying the prostitute in question).

2] Messiahs get laid.

3]I'm SICK of people , media, police, etc moaning about rape . Heck , even the rapists are moaning , but due to entirely different reasons.

4] I hate the idea of people just coming , and well *cumming*. While decent nice, guys i know (read 'me') go broke on dates, look into the girl's eyes, make up mushy bullshit, and act as free cab drivers months, only to get friendzoned (read "haha , i trolled you, loser!!!! You want sex ? How about i fuck you without touching you?. ") WHERE IS THE JUSTICE???

5] When i was a child, i had a dream. My dream was to have a sixteensome . My mother told me never to give up my dreams , and to always believe in myself.
However, since despite my best efforts to that end, I've never ever gone past a
foursome, and because I DO want to make mommy proud, I want to fulfil my other dream . ie. To stand atop the tallest skyscraper in the city, and shout into a P.A. system "I AM YOUR GOD!!! WORSHIP ME!!!", Followed immediately by the footfalls of hundreds of thousands of females in heat , running towards me in slow motion (need i describe what slow motion and women taken together ,entail???).


6] Rape is WRONG, on a moral level. Tuna subs at subway are epic!. I love them, almost as much as i love Jessica Alba. When I go to a subway outlet, and they dont have tuna, it hurts me. It scars me as a person, and it kills a part of me. I wonder how i'll go through life knowing that i was forced against my will to have an italian B.M.T , while all i really wanted and hoped for , was a tuna sub.
So i REALLY dont want people telling me ,i dont know how rape victims feel. Because i do . No ONE should have to have a B.M.T, when they want a tuna. ( i would have said, double tuna footlong, but then i'm not reffering to myself in this article)

7] Women have become so scared by this rape paranoia, that they have actually STOPPED dressing provocatively. I'd be hard pressed to find a woman who'll accompany me to a dark alley in the middle of the night. THIS SPELLS DISASTER!!!

8]I understand that its not cool, when some guy other than the guy whom you wanna screw, comes out of the shadows and yells "SURPRISE :D" before he screws you up . I've had Shambhavi, my class representative do the same thing to me, with messages about extra class. But again i've wandered off on another tangent.

So THE QUESTION IS: WHAT IS A WOMEN SUPPOSED TO DO?
the answer: ME!

But since most people are too thick to realise, that i,me ,myself, am the one true solution to the problem of rape in this city. I have ANOTHER solution :

A simple innovation, that will save the law enforcement, the women, and the whiny little runts at 'tehelka' a lot of trouble. You dont need to *force* yourselves to wear traditional clothing. No one can *restrain* your freedom and *gag* your spirit anymore.


Lo an behold!!... the Majumder, Chastity Belt-5000


Its a steel underwear with a lock only you can open. Oh yes, it ALSO has a NASTY surprise for anyone who tries to rape you when you're not looking. JAGGED SHARP BARBS.


*Nasty guy try to rape you? LET HIM. he'll find out, raping poor little women aint COOL..

* Need to cut veggies for a sandwich? The ,MCB-5000'S got your back

* Been drunk with the wrong crowd ? Drunk enough to sleep with someone you dont like quite so much? . Dont tell the police you got raped ,later. PREVENT IT...with the MCB-5000.

* Boyfriend been cheating? TEACH HIM A LESSON!!

* Guy you've seduced n led to your room , not inclined to pay for sex? WAIT till he sees what he's dealing with.

The Majumder Chastity Belt-5000, Is made from pure Japanese carbon steel. IT'll take him a welding machine to get through to you !!!


Girls : Dont be victims. Step up and claim the security you KNOW , you deserve

Guys : Dont let that venomous girlfriend, wife, or classmate , throw a fake rape allegation at you . Buy her the MCB5000. Not even the cops will believe you got through one with you manhood intact.

Step up, and claim a tension free life today!!!!

COMING SOON:
the MCBF-500

a completely NEW version of the MCB,developed on public demand for feminists who arent just content with stopping rape .

"who'll pay for the thousands of years of rape we've suffered, you misogynistic, ASSHOLE?" - Renuka Chaudhary.

The answer : YOU'LL pay.......

by buying the NEW MCBF-5000- a chastity belt with a twist.

It comes with a set of 5 different metal pieces of varying thickness and length, that can conveniently be attached perpendicularly to the front of your new MCBF-5000. With our revolutionary neew locking system, you can make those male assholes pay, by giving them a little taste of their own medicine . . . RAPE EM!

"YOU RAPE ME???? I RAPE YOU!!!!!" - Arab feminist ,Al habibi , before raping a man with the MCBF-5000 , and then promptly detonating the rdx strapped to her chest

The nectar of anarchy

Chains around us like animals restrained
Our will suppressed, our bodies oppressed,
We are hunted like beasts, common game
Yet spirits ignite, our minds possessed,
Taste the nectar of anarchy

In secret prisons, forgotten lands,
And dead withered corpses there,
In dead forgotten sands
Lies a will, a silent prayer
For the nectar of anarchy

In a world full of treason
Of man against man
Where men devoid reason
Divide us into clans
Taste the nectar of anarchy

So tonight stop the stealing,
And call the battles to a halt
There is time yet for healing
Stop denying the faults
And taste the nectar of anarchy

Twilight rant review....MUAHAHAHAHA...sorry, cant help my language on this one...

Read some ‘twilight’ recently. Actually, was kind of dragged into it. After sifting through 434 Pages of absolute excreta, I’d like to make an effort (Actually, no. This sort of douche-baggery comes quite naturally to me) to anal-yse and rect-ify my previous thought about the series which were based on the observations of the exact kind of people I will insult here.

Firstly, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate the work of Stephanie Meyer whom I have come to consider the literary equivalent of a freshly squished slug. The first book of the series, which frankly, is the only one I could hate myself enough to finish, would have disgusted me for the rest of my life had it not been amazingly forgettable.

Ok , so for those who have not read the book, I’d like to provide a short plot summary . A pathetically clumsy girl called Bella “Swan” goes to live with her loser father who was left by her ambitious mother....after she flirted with his dreams of a happily-ever-after. The town is called ‘Forks’ if I recall correctly. Forks is rainy and cloudy to add to the pathetic emo feel of the books. Bella is a ‘perfectly ordinary 17 year old’ who is clumsy enough to slip on a gravel bed with rock climbing shoes, retarded enough to mistake Jude Law for Pingu the Penguin, and yes, as self obsessed and narcissist a b***h as you will ever hear of.

Bella is not exceptionally beautiful but still manages to get at least 17 guys hit on her on her first day at school. Strange huh? Anyway, she acts like the B***h that she is to all the guys who are polite to her and try to make friends…..Why? Because Bella is looking for someone extraordinary….How about an age old undead vampire? Wow…exactly what the doctor ordered for her. The vampire in question is called Edward Cullen.-A pale, gaunt, individual with no actual depth .Stephanie Meyer, goes on explaining repeatedly how, handsome and prissy perfect and plain hot, said vampire is which makes you wonder two things:

1) How many synonyms does hot have anyway?

2) Why the F*** is this lady writing books describing her wet dreams?

Meanwhile you get to understand that Bella Swan is definitely retarded and start questioning the political correctness of the book. Bella is evidently the author’s version of herself. Obviously a pathetic attempt at an ‘ordinary’ girl, she is an absolute loser, who is neither, beautiful, nor acceptably sentient, but is rather vertically challenged and self obsessed. Moreover, she is also exceptionally narcissistic and self centred…to the point where she is obsessed and you get the feeling that she considers herself above all. Her character has no depth or meaning. During the course of the book, she flirts with a boy just to extract some information and later dances with another guy in front of him without caring in the least for his feelings…establishing my opinion of her .

So anyway, the 80 year old vampire Edward likes her for more than exotic cuisine, which disappoints the reader because it would have put an end to Bella’s miserable existence. He falls in love with her and establishes himself as a paedophile in the process. He takes Bella to meet his ‘Rich’ family, in his ‘luxury sports car’ . His family has the basic clichéd characters such as the kindly father, the motherly mother, the misfit brother and the muscular brother with his flawlessly beautiful girlfriend/wife/sister/wench…and a sister who can see the future which makes it immensely convenient for Stephanie to explain the Cullen’s riches and a lot of the ensuing plot or the lack of it.

Here again, it becomes necessary to provide a description of Edward Cullen. He is extremely handsome, filthy rich, plays the piano like a master, stronger than any human being, immortal, eternally youthful, almost invincible and oh-so perfect. He is also a vampire.

It is painfully obvious that Stephanie Meyer has visualised Bella as herself. Bella is such a self-important loser that most dumb bitches can imagine themselves in her shoes. Further, the author proceeds to pamper said narcissists with the hope that the AWESOME PERFECT DUDE will fall in love with them and anyone who doesn’t have all those qualities deserves to be played and dumped just like Bella’s mom dumped her dad whom she for some convoluted reason wants to call Charlie.

One of the only original things about this book is a reinvented concept of vampires. So far we have known vampires to be killed by light. Not anymore. Light does not kill vampires. TWILIGHT kills vampires. In this book, light makes a vampire sparkle like a bitch. In real life, guys who sparkle are not called vampires. I believe the term in use is FAGGOT. He is also a “vegetarian” vampire, which proves that vampires don’t exist in real life, as if they had, Meyer would have been a bloodless corpse torn to shreds by now.

The love story progresses with the reader wincing at each expression Bella’s clear desperation and sexual depravation which may be termed as ‘sensitivity’ and true ‘love’.

Edward also has this strange habit of watching Bella sleep, following her around and manhandling her which clearly make him a stalker and a woman abuser.

So to sum up Edward, he is :

1] Dead for like 80 years.

2] A paedophile

3] A sparkling faggot

4] A stalker

5] A manhandler

6] A vampire who gets urges to drink Bella’s blood every 5 minutes.

7] A guy lacking any serious depth or reason, which is probably an epically failed shot at a ‘mysterious’ feel.

All this is tolerated by Bella who treats far nicer guys like filth and stays with Edward just because Edward she loves him (read she finds him hot).

Finally Bella goes to play baseball with vampires in the middle of the night in the middle of the woods, which in itself makes you doubt her sanity. She then gets likes by another vampire in an appetizing sort of way. Edward roars like an animal (presumably embarrassed at admitting his love for thanksgiving turkey). But typically, they don’t kill each other. A long protracted chase across the country follows, where all doubts of Bella being sentient are cleared. Following some obviously fake threat of her characterless mother being in trouble, Bella walks into an obvious trap and then gets saved at the last moment my MR-OH-SO-AWESOME-SPARKLING-EDWARD. And so ends a painfully boring, clichéd and pathetic story that only sore, wannabe losers could like. Of course, these days people listen to stuff like Hannah Montana which confirms that this book will be an epic success.

I rate this book slightly higher than ‘The complete chronological evolution classification record of plant phylum and parasitic fungi.’

If you haven’t read the book, save yourself and some money. This book has no humour, wit, plot or plain beauty of language to write home about. DON’T buy this book (if you can call it one). Read THE GAMEWORLD TRILOGY by SAMIT BASU instead. If you ARE reading this book, make sure it when your mother in not nearby. I don’t think she will take kindly to the constant stream of F-words that are sure to emanate from within you while you read this. Finally, don’t let your girlfriend get hold of the book. She will expect you to be like Edward. Twilight is spoiling girl’s opinions of what they want from guys. I heard one of my friends exasperatedly trying to explain to his girl, “I AM NOT A VAMPIRE, SHWETA.” I told him to put on some fake fangs and rip her throat….

DO NOT BUY.

P.S.: I also made a failed attempt to read the sequels, but gave up. All I can say is- JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT STEPHANIE MEYER TO BE INCAPABLE OF SCREWING UP ANOTHER LEGENDARY CREATURE, SAY HELLO TO JACOB BLACK-THE WEREWOLF.

The broken warrior

"tried new verse forms here."

His sword is drawn,
His die is cast.
Gently he looks into the dawn,
For the very next breath might be his last.

His eyes they shine bright,
His sword brighter still.
But his will to fight,
Shall never be fulfilled.

For in this war he seeks to find,
With blood on his blade,
Retribution, peace of mind.
For his sorrows, they cannot fade.

All is has known is death and despair,
The very air around him has its stench.
His enemy killed his maiden fair,
While the cold it took his wench.

And his father died in the battleground,
With his sword in his clenched fist.
And his son he lost, but never found,
He vanished into the mist.javascript:void(0)
Publish Post

And his pain, it grows day by day,
Until with him it shall come to pass.
All his yearns for is to kill and slay,
All he wishes for is the next battle to be his last.

He marches on, his hope is dead,
His cause become unknown.
Battles far greater, rage within his head,
And his heart has turned to stone.

As so another warrior has become a broken man.
And broken, undone and vengeful, he fights and he stands.

Barbed wire.

"Probably the only romantic crap I will ever write...as soft as i can go.This is a song about an outlaw who lost the woman he loved..so here goes....."

Two bullets to heaven,

One gunshot to hell,

One day, one hour, one moment,

I remember well.

Down in my basement,

Inside a red book old and worn,

Lies a withered dead rose.

Yet i still feel the thorns.

So i close my eyes and clench my fist,

And i try not to fall apart.

One day, one hour, one moment,

Like barbed wire around my heart.

So i close it shut, repress myself,

And turn my back for one more day,

And wonder one more thought of lament

-Why the innocent must always pay.

And outside in the valley,

The sun sets, it is dark.

One day, one hour, one moment,

Barbed wire around my heart.

In an old forgotten closet,

With an old forgotten key.

Lies the gun that took her life,

Though it didn’t fire the shot, that gun belongs to me.

Now, five bullets still remain in the chambers,

But I’ve run out of heart.

That day, that hour, that moment,

Is still barbed wire ripping me apart.

a shitty song for a shitty band...

i made this impromptu for a band i play in...we are quite useless anyway and so are the lyrics....

There i go
Dont call a halt now.
In this hell
I wander alone
End of play
Coz my turn is over
Turn the lights out
Nobody's home.

The worlds been an abattoir
And sacrifices in blood we are making
I think I know you, but I know i can't trust you.
So I'll be off with the wind that's blowing
Lone ranger i am.

Vagabond, soulless stargazer
Leave me be to my means
Seen through you world so wicked
Seen through your schemes

Mystic light,
Show me the way now.
No you won't
For i know you lie.
Isolation
Becomes my religion
Silence screams-
"Time to DIE!"

So broken I stare in dejection
Into another nightmare.
Apathetic into another reflection
Try to pretend that i care.

Of all that I have won.
And all that I have cursed
And all I have become
I have done what I must.

I am filth.

In an eternal gaze,I try to see
What I am and what I long to be.
In this plagued world
I am but filth
An outcast among dishonourable souls
Yes I am filth
And alone I wait for prophecies to unfold

And alone I have lost
And all alone paid the cost
For in this world I have defied
I am but filth
Among men with no remorse inside.
Yes I am filth
The broken clarion of change denied.

And it is alone that I have trudged and stumbled
Put on a brave face while inside I crumbled
For I did love just once
But I was but filth
For I had a chivalrous heart
Yes I am filth
To have had it all and then torn it apart

I had but one friend who knew me best
And he let me down like all the rest
And now I think I'll just go away
For I am but filth
To a land where peace I can find
Coz I am filth
To need my own world inside my mind

I find dreams that wont come true.
I hear promises full of lies.
In this world I despise
I am but filth.
For now I fear no fall.
Yes I am become filth
For I can love no more.
For I am filth
And honour is all I gain.
For I am filth
And that is what I will remain.

THE MYTH OF INDIAN DEMOCRACY:A SIMPLIFIED OBSERVATION

“Democracy is the worst form of government other than all others that have been tried.”
-Winston Churchill
India has the distinction of being the largest democracy in the world, and most Indians would indeed be proud of that fact. They often believe- We choose our representatives who make decisions and thus we govern ourselves through them.
In the context of anarchy it becomes immensely important to examine that statement and thus show democracy for the farce that it is in real life.
In India, the first-past-the-post system of ‘democratic’ elections is followed. In this system the country is divided into constituencies on the basis of population and each constituency sends a member to the parliament. In each constituency, the candidate with the maximum number of votes is elected.
It is safe to assume that on an average; around 10 candidates contest the elections from each constituency. The average winner gets around 30% of the total votes polled.
While this in itself may not seem so alarming, it means that the entire parliament has the direct support of only 30% of the entire population.
Any bill can be passed through a majority in the parliament. i.e. A little more than 50%.
In purely mathematical terms, this means, in theory it takes only the support of 15% of the population of the entire country to make decisions on the lives of the remaining 85%.
In any election, all people do not vote. In India, the voter turnout is around 60%.
This means that the government gets the actual support of only around 9% of the country’s population.
What is even more disturbing is that this percentage can go even lower.
This percentage of actual representation can be called the ARP(actual representation percentage)
Thus the fact that we are ruled by a government of the people is a myth.
The person a voter elects to the parliament does not like the same kind of food as he does, have similar taste in movies or music. His mindset will be completely different to most of the voters. Thus it is highly unlikely that this elected person’s decisions in each situation will be identical to the decisions every person who voted for him would had made for themselves.

Many of the supporters may not really agree with every decision of their representative. None of them have any means to change those decisions that they don’t like.
For the majority of people who voted for other political parties or coalitions, their lives are governed by people they don’t support and whose ideology is not compatible and often conflicting with theirs. They are governed by people who they haven’t chosen.
Another great shortcoming of our democracy is the great contradiction of representativeness. While democratic theory dictates that it is a success of democracy, this actually decreases the ARP as winning candidates in each constituency will secure an even lower percentage of votes.
Taking all these factors into account, it can be said Indian claims at being a highly representative democracy are exaggerated. In fact, on careful observation it will be found that many of these factors are applicable to most countries, making democracy a non-representative form of government.
There is but one solution to all these problems-anarchy.

ANARCHY: WHAT AND WHY?

What is anarchy? Anarchy refers to the conception or notion of a society without the institution of government. The anarchist vision is the envisagement of a society in which individuals exist in harmony through mutual understanding and not forced cooperation. Literally derived from the Greek words ‘an-arkos’ meaning ‘without a ruler’, the ideology of anarchism believes in the necessity of the removal of the government as the only way to form a completely just and egalitarian society.

Anarchy is often misinterpreted as chaos or destruction. Quite contrary to this understanding, it is the attainment of perfect harmony in society. It is also creative rather than destructive in the sense that it empowers people, freeing them from the control of governments and giving them control of their own lives. It recognises that any form of authority of one man over another is harmful to liberty and abusive to shared humanity. People will be happiest when they can take all decisions affecting their own lives.
Only when every individual person governs himself completely will there be no discrimination as all actions will be directed by individual conscience and not by social norms, mores, sanctions and by the effects of various forms of socialisation.
Since all members of an anarchistic society will treasure the virtues of the then existing social condition, they will adhere to certain basic natural norms. Not because a government has imposed them on him; not because of fear of persecution or the imposition of formal laws or informal sanctions, but because he as an INDIVIDUAL in his conscience has recognised them as being such.
Finally the advent of anarchy will lead to the ultimate evolution of human civilisation and intellect as unprecedented levels of positive liberty will lead to unprecedented levels of creativity of human expression in the form of art, science, literature and is likely to culminate in a second renaissance.